The most effective meditation practice— 6 stages to success
Do you meditate and have you ever had the feeling of being stuck? I would love to share my experiences to show you ways to improve your meditation and potentially to lead you to a better life full of positive surprises.
“I compare meditation with a hike on a mountain. At some point, you will have an excellent viewpoint where you feel in awe and you just enjoy every single moment. As you move along you will lose this lookout point and you might pass along a stretch of thick forest where you do not have this amazing feeling as you had before and you might feel rather lost. But maybe a few minutes later you’ll find the next lookout point.”
A friend of mine recited a meditation teacher he once came across when researching meditation practices. I was very happy to hear that, although I had no clue how this should fix my meditation blockage.
Since about ten months I meditate twice a day and established a solid meditation routine. I am very consistent with my morning meditation. The evenings or afternoons are not as consistent but I manage to meditate twice a day most of the time, even it is only for a very brief session. My daily practice was reignited by Emily Fletcher’s book by the name of “Stress Less, Accomplish More”.
What Emily recommends
In her book, she explains in thorough depth her 3M technique. The 3M’s are abbreviations for Mindfulness, Meditation and Manifestation. The truth is that the 3M’s does not include the Gratitude phase which she places in between the Meditation and Manifestation phase. I assume this is because of the advertising power — 3M sounds better than two M one G and one M, but that is only my assumption.
To recapitulate Emily’s four meditation phases (or stages), I want to summarize as follows:
Mindfulness:
The first phase is for getting into the now, to connect with your body and calm down. Take your focus to all your senses:
Feel/Touch: Feel your body. Try to sense the skin and your inner body, or sense the space or the emptiness.
Hearing: Hear, what noises you are surrounded with? No matter what it is, even in the silence, you might hear something. If you can hear something very vivid, do not focus on the content or the information, but focus on your sense instead. It shall bring you in the here in now, rather than distract you from your meditation.
Smell: Focus on what you are smelling.
Taste: Bring your focus to the taste in your mouth. Maybe you brushed your teeth or you can sense another taste.
Sight: Finally you steer your focus to your sight. Even when your eyes are closed you might see colours or other impressions. Focus on them, do not open your eyes but focus on what your eyes are delivering, on what your sense might bring up.
After you have focused on all the senses individually you can now bring the senses altogether and try to take them in at once. Try to take in all the senses at one-parallel, at the same moment.
Meditation:
The second phase is the actual meditation. You are now focussing on the meditation. Let your thoughts pass without judgement and try to focus on your mind, on the emptiness, the universe, the space, or the silence. I try to grasp the vastness of my spirit, the conscience itself. Effortlessness is key. Do not try to push it, if you get a headache or feel a little pain you tried too hard and you are pushing. Allow yourself the time and the effortlessness it needs, sooner or later it will take you to the “viewpoint” as described in the intro of this article. If you try long enough you will find this space and the emptiness. Imagine you are floating in space, effortless and without gravity — like an astronaut.
During the meditation, it is most likely helpful to repeat a mantra, do it silently. It is also OK to do it out loud if you find it more helpful to do it with voice and repeat your mantra out loud. Chanting can help. After all, you make the rules, there is no one way how to meditate, there are many ways, you have to find yours.
Gratitude:
The third phase is gratitude. Practicing gratitude is one of the best things ever! You can do this by its own, even if you do not meditate at all! If you just take a few minutes a day, sit down and being grateful for what you have learned that day or the day before, for what happened, what you have, for lovely people who surround you, for being healthy or just for having time to sit down and dwell over what you have come across.
This practice is so powerful that you will feel better afterwards, no matter what happened before.
Note: One of the examples mentioned by Emily is that everything we experience is happening for us — instead of happening to us! That is a tremendous difference in the viewpoint. The angle which we are inclined to perceive a certain experience is changing when we allow things to happen rather than avoiding them. In most cases, we learn in hindsight what a certain experience (which we initially thought is very bad) was good for. Maybe you can pull out an example where you have thought that this is the worst which can happen to you, and later on, when you think about that experience you might conclude that if that would not have happened, you would not have XYZ now. Pain is temporary as they say. So are bad experiences and they might often result in something you could have not imagined before. Trust life that the current challenge will eventually result in something amazing.
Manifestation:
The final phase is the manifestation phase. We simply manifest the outcomes which we want to achieve. For instance, I have set meditation goals, let’s say I want to travel to a certain place (that could be a goal). Then I would envision myself travelling in that country and visiting that place. I would form a positive sentence about that goal, e.g.: “I am healthy, my knee is cured and fully recovered.” Important is that you formulate the wish in the present as if it would happen right now.
I have a maximum of up to three manifestation goals per session. I put them in as simple chunks and expressions as possible and repeat them and feel into it, visualise and vividly feel the outcome happening right now. That has proven to be the most successful way of doing it.
What I have learned from my own experience
Meditation goals
I love that Emily taught me that you can have meditation goals! I love that! This is a big achievement! My intention is not to get better at meditation, but to get better in life. My life improves, I improve, being more flexible, more calm, more successful, more caring, more conscious and to have more fun. Simply put: getting better on all levels. Making up my mind before I sit down, and paying attention to think and plan in advance might provide the freedom to focus solely on the task at hand if that makes sense to you. Take your time to define goals and desired outcomes, or define areas which you want to improve in. Make notes and write it down. I use sticky notes and stick them everywhere, e.g. in the bedroom at the lamp to see it when I go to bed, or bathroom mirror, fridge, etc.
Daily practice
Practising the four stages repetitively every day twice is a big advantage and chance. Daily meditation practices provide the probability to have an enormous impact on your life and the life of the people you are surrounded with. Meditation, therefore, becomes an invaluable tool for improving your life. And the best of all, it is for free. You can do it everywhere, at any time. In the bus, aeroplane, in the broom cupboard, at your desk, on a chair… literally everywhere. Hal Elrod, author of “The Miracle Morning” mentioned recently in a podcast: “it takes ten years to create the overnight success. We only see the overnight success and ignore the ten years of hard work it took to have that success.” I feel so much truth in that and I think that is true for meditation too! You might not see the miracles after two sessions, but sitting down and looking back at the past few months of meditation will reveal a theme you might have not expected beforehand. Give it time and stick to daily two practices and have trust in the sessions. Similar to plant seeds. You’ll find the link to the podcast at the end of the article.
Set the right mindset
My experience shows that my mindset has a significant impact on the outcome that I am able to achieve. Mindset matters! If you are able to set the right mindset you are more likely to win and accomplish an amazing goal than you are without putting thought into it.
Are you able to describe the difference between fixed- and growth mindset? If that does not ring a bell, you might want to read the phenomenal book from Carol Dweck “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”. She explains the difference between two very different attitudes towards the challenges we might face.
Your view of yourself can determine everything:
A) Example for a fixed mindset (intelligence is static): If you believe that your qualities are unchangeable — the fixed mindset — you will want to prove yourself correct over and over rather than learning from your mistakes.
versos B) Example for a growth mindset (intelligence can be developed): Changing our beliefs can have a powerful impact. The growth mindset creates a powerful passion for learning. “Why waste time proving over and over how great you are,” Dweck writes, “when you could be getting better?”
What mindset would you rather cultivate? And yes, it is easier said than done, at least we have the knowledge now and have the possibility to make a conscious decision what mindset we rather cultivate from now on.
The obstacles you might come across
Getting stuck
On one of the recent meditation sessions, I got really stuck. I felt nothing at all. I was just sitting with eyes closed and nothing happened. Like you sense you are here and you do something that should ignite a certain thing but nothing happened. It felt so weird that I almost wanted to stop it right away. Afterwards, I thought that it will pass and it was just not meant to happen. Like some of the sessions are more and some are less intense, however, that experience was very different, it felt like I have completely lost the ability to meditate. Very strange! The next session which followed was exactly the same, I was shocked. I met a friend that day and I told him of my misery. He explained to me that meditation sessions can vary and that he had heard once the comparison where a teacher compared meditation with a hike on a mountain. He calmed me down and although I had no clue how that will ever help me I could rebuild faith in the meditation sessions.
Moving on
That evening I felt nervous and a bit stressed even. I thought I need to unwind and relax before I begin with my meditation session. That is exactly what I did, I added another stage to my existing four stages. I tried to focus on relaxation and let go of stress and tension. I was able to feel how I really unwinded layer by layer and how I got calmer and eventually relaxed. It took me about five minutes to unwind, but if you do something the first time, it takes usually a bit more time and you speed up when you do it more often. I was really astonished, as well as surprised that this worked so well that I added even one more additional stage the following days. Let me explain all the stages which I have incorporated in my meditation routine:
Full scope of the entire meditation — all stages explained
For a long time, I was very happy with the four stages of Emily’s meditation routine. But I encountered stress and unease that has built up over time, and without noticing I took that unease into my sessions. By adding additional stages I was able to address my situation better and to solve issues I had encountered along with my practice. Find all the stages explained below and check the infographic further above. You can create your individual set of stages to address your personal needs.
01 Reason
This stage usually takes 1 to max 2 minutes.
Having reason means to add meaning. Being clear about my reason why I meditate gives me guiding and explains why I do this particular practice. It is not a goal but it adds direction to what I do, or what I am about to do. Before I delve into the session I take a few deep breaths and empty my mind to prepare. Then I use the following affirmation for this stage: “I am meditating to get better in life, to be a more humble person, to be calmer and to be more compassionate. I want to share my positive energy with all people for the benefit of all sentient beings.”
This reason changes over time and I make it fit to what I am amazing to achieve. You define your own reason and give yourself meaning to your session.
02 Relaxation
This stage usually takes anything between 1 to 4 minutes, depending on my current situation.
For the meditation to have more impact and to be more fun, it is of immense importance to be fully relaxed and to let go of stress, tension and bad feelings. At that evening, when I incorporated the relaxation phase it turned out to be an amazing meditation session once again.
Focussing on relaxing your body, starting from your feet up or head down. Limbs are relaxed, muscles, organs, cells, … everything! Give it a bit more time when you do it the first time. Following affirmation helps me to relax and to calm down: “I am fully relaxed, I let go of tension, it simply drops off me. I am calm, and with every breath, I am relaxing more and more. I let go of all the tension, all the stress and all the bad thoughts. They leaving my mind and my body.”
I can repeat this, add more to this stage as I need or want. Sometimes this stage is longer and sometimes shorter. Make it fit to what you need, you make the rules and by the end of the day, it needs to serve you and make you happy.
03 Mindfulness
This stage should take up to 2 minutes.
As described above, in this session I focus on my senses and I take all the senses in at once. This helps me to relax and to focus on the current moment, as well as the here and now.
04 Meditation
Take your time to stay in this stage, maybe 10 to 15 minutes.
This is the main part of the entire practice. Here in this stage, you spend most of your time. You can use a mantra to occupy your mind with doing something. You try to feel the space, or you feel floating, like when you dive or float in space like an astronaut. Most important is to be relaxed, calm and to do it as effortlessly as possible. You should not be annoyed or angry when your mind wanders off, just come back to where you left and try to float in space without judgment.
You should enjoy the ride, the ease and the floating. Try focussing on your spirit, on the observer, the essence of your true being. You focus on your mind, not on your body. The easier it is, the less effort it takes, the more you enjoy it and the more you benefit from it.
05 Gratitude:
Allowing this stage to expand up to 4 minutes will give you a boost, but can be as quick as 1 minute too.
Find more details about this part further above. ↑ I totally love this part! Having gratitude and feeling grateful is something that will make you happy per se. It is about contentment and frugality. By looking at the things that I am thankful for, I am positive at that moment and I am free of anger and other disturbing and negative thoughts. It will put you and a good position, just by doing it. I cannot elaborate enough how important and impactful a gratitude session is. Even if you do not have time to meditate, this part will enhance your life on its own. Gratitude is mentioned in many books I have come across recently
.Apparently many successful people are using this practice to live a better and more meaningful life. Hal Elrod is using this technique too. He has accomplished unbelievable outcomes and wrote the book “The Miracle Morning”.
06 Manifestation
This stage should not take you any longer than 2 to 3 minutes.
This is where you clearly state your goal. You envision a preferred outcome as vividly as possible. See all the details and see it happening right now. To be most effective, it is very important that you have a clear and simple goal. You need to form a positive affirmation in the present time, e.g.: “I am healthy. I feel good. I prefer eating healthy food.” Do not form negative sentences, e.g. “I am not stressed.” form positive sentences instead: “I am relaxed” and use the present moment. This is a technique used in NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) and has proven to be very effective and produce fast outcomes.
Final thoughts
Our modern lives are fully packed with information, noise, tension, stress and generally with too much of everything. To find a practice that allows you to calm down to unwind and to chill for a while is immensely important for a balanced lifestyle. Expressions like “work hard, party hard” do not resonate with me. I rather invite happiness, calmness and success into my life. I am a hassler by default and I am committed to what I am doing. That is why I need to balance out my immense focus on work or other topics related to my life. The best way of doing this is to practice tailored meditation sessions that address exactly my needs to unplug and unwind. I wish you, my dear reader, to find the session that fits best to you. I send you my best vibes and wish you a great time!
If you like to share your thoughts and your sessions that help you to calm down and to meditate, I would love if you shoot a comment or clap once or twice.
Sources I have mentioned in the article above
Books
- Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (Audio Book, click here) by Carol S. Dweck
- Stress Less Accomplish More by Emily Fletcher
- The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
Podcast
The Business Method Podcast by Chris Reynolds; Ep.430 ~ The Miracle Morning, The Miracle Equation & The Miracle Man ~ Hal Elrod https://www.thebusinessmethod.com/podcast/episode/1e1b4f78/ep430-~-the-miracle-morning-the-miracle-equation-and-the-miracle-man-~-hal-elrod
Application
The Clocks: Alarm, World Clock This app turns your phone in a giant clock and you can takes glimpses to see check the time.
